10 June; Mess Duties

Terry rolled his eyes. "You're bein' about the silliest I ever known anyone t'be. Ignore 'em an' don't say anyfin' to 'em. Jus' keep your head down an' join in wiv us boys - don't try t'do anyfin' wiv the grown-ups 'cause, well, you ain't one." He shrugged. "An' Mister Evans made a mistake an' I'll go an' tell 'im so."

"But George's a grownup." And he thought Thompson was safe, because he was of higher rank. He was a corporal after all, and this meant that he was not as easily touched as any of the boys. They were not only much smaller and weaker, but also the lowest of low stations.

"I don't.. You're daft, Button. So you are. You want ter get beaten couse of someone you barely know some? " He asked, looking serious. "An' yer want ter anger Evans? Couse he would not take it half as lightly if you came over to 'im, tellin' 'im what he ought t' do or not!"

Was he deliberately being stupid or something? "No. I meant, stick wiv us 'case we know how to stay outta the way, where they won't find us." He suddenly realised that the Corporal was still sitting there listening. "I mean, well..." He flushed pink. "Wouldn't tell 'im off. Jus' tell 'im 'e's makin' a mistake."

De Guarde hated to admit it, but Button had a point. The boys knew every nook and cranny on the ship. If you wanted to hide from the adults, you could usually be successful. But try hiding away from the boys, and it was a near impossible thing. He studied the other lad. The boys were also plentiful. Many eyes on the look out and hard to notice.

But, all this effort was not needed if only he decided to go through with what he was thinking. Wouldn't that be much easier on all involved. "...Button. Why would yer even bother? It isn't 'zactly as if I'd done anything nice for you or the others. 'fore i came down 'ere...well, yer can ask Thompson...and anybody of yer peers, I've been a right pain to you. So what on earth outweighs the dangers and the trouble, you'd be getting yourself into. I can pay with money.. but.. Even that can't give 'nuff for all that.."

He shook his head. "An' you tell Evans anthin' like that and he'll take it personal..." He hope Thompson won't mind him talking so or tell anyone. "An' then t' next time you needs him.. he won't be friendly at all."

"Cause folks oughtn't to be allowed to hurt anyone like that. We gotta stick togevver else, well. Could've bin me, or.. Fingers or any of us. Can't let you have to put up wiv it on your own. Ain't right."

"Yeah, but ..you n' Fingers are part of t' gang... an' neither of you ever got sum'one in trouble. Did ya? Not in a way I've done any'ow. " He was flattered, which was much different than how he would have felt, not too long ago, that Button considered him, equal in importance to himself and Fingers.

"Why are ye trustin' I wouldn't turn on you t' moment I was back an' bein' a middie or.. it saved me?" He would not have, true, but if he thought of how he had acted before, he would not have trusted himself, if he was in Button's shoes.

"Dunno." He shrugged. "Why you arguin' so much? You allus this awkward?" If he kept on arguing, it'd serve him right if Terry walked away - he had better things to do that argue with some awkward annoying boy.

"I ain't awkward!" He snapped. "...I'm jus' sensible...and I don't know what to think no more. You're all sayin' nice things, but when summat happens, then it's not like wif others! You talk.. but then when it would need some doing.. you don't do it!" He stood up in a huff.

"Maybe you would have all liked it better if I had drowned that day!... you wouldn't need ter talk all sweet and.." He pushed past Button, the rush of emotions causing him to tear up. "..mebbe you'll jus' get wot' you really wish fer soon!" And he was off, running.

"Hey! Hey, Buckles!" Terry gawped for a moment and then ran after him. "Wait f'r me, do!" What on earth did he mean, and what was Terry supposed to do?

De Guarde ducked down the companion way. He was not really thinking where he was going, as long as he was moving. So further down he went, bumping and pushing past the Tars. He stumbled and picked himself up, not once glancing over his shoulder to see if anybody had followed.

Terry wasn't sure what was going on, but something wasn't right, at all. And he couldn't just stop Buckles right there in the middle of the messdeck. There was only one thing he could do without arousing too much suspicion, hopefully.

He ducked and weaved around the Tars, trying to catch up to Buckles. "Tag!" he called, slapping him on the shoulder, hoping that the boy would understand what he was trying to do.

A slap on the shoulder had the boy jumping forward in alarm. He looked over his shoulder wide eyed. That 'Tag' had him stunned and bemused. He did not move for a few moments, just staring towards Button.

What on earth did the boy tag him?!... He looked around himself and caught a glimpse of Cattling, looking back at him. Right. He bolted after Button. It would have been more suspicious if he had ignored Button and just went on running.

Good. Now to get de Guarde out of the way. He turned and headed toward the companionway down, towards the hold, hoping like hell that de Guarde would follow him all the way down.

De Guarde had no qualms about going down. He knew where Cattling was, he was mostly confident that Button was not going to lead him somewhere, where his life would be put in danger. But even if he had, he actually decided he did not care.

He went down the companionway again, then into the hold, and only stopped when the boy infront of him had. "..What was that for?" He asked. He glanced around the hold, studying the open space.

"'Cause I needed to talk to you, an' you went off for no reason. Silly." He grinned, and looked around. "'Ere, this way, I'll show you summat." He indicated that de Guarde should follow him.

De Guarde looked questionably at Button, but followed no less. He threaded more carefully now, his cheeks wiped dry, and his nose dabbed. "What is it?" He asked, ducking low. His curiosity was peaked so, atleast for the moment, he was not thinking of anything but what Button suddenly had, to show him.

"'S where I comes when I need to get away for a bit, see," he said, and grabbed de Guarde's wrist, dragging him into a tiny crawl-space between a couple of barrels. "Here. There's allus spaces like this even when the hold's full." He twisted around to sit with his thin bare legs drawn up so he was sitting cross-legged, giving de Guarde as much space as he could. "Why dontcha want us 'elp?" he said. "Seems you oughta want it more'n most."

De Guarde shuffled closer. He didn't speak at first, surprised that Button would show him a place such as this. It was a hiding place, and just knowing that, De Guarde understood it was as if Button was trusting him with a secret. This, he could betray or keep and it was a place were Button went when he needed some peace.

He bit his lip. Pulling his legs up to be out of the way, he could barely make out how dirty his feet were. He had been barefoot for the most part since his buckled shoes were no longer the right thing to wear. His trousers were dirty as well.

"...Button." This boy could not be in with Cattling and Seward, so he was safe, and they were alone. "...I'm.. there are others what....it's. ..When none of you came after I was flogged with the puss I thought none of you cared." He admitted quietly. "You were all friendly...an' talkin'..but when I thought you'd come, none of you did." He hesitated. "...it's not that, why I didn't want your help. It's not safe for you if you do. That's all. If they see you'm my friend.. does any of this make sense to you now?" He was still torn whether he was to tell him, or not.

"Couldn't be in two places at once an' Fingers was... 'e needed us 'elp too." He shrugged. "Ain't safe bein' a boy aboard any'ow, 's why we 'as to 'elp each uvver, see." He leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees and resting his chin on his cupped hands. "They can't 'urt all of us, see. So's it's best if we sticks togevver, 'cause then they'll see you ain't on yous own. An' I seen what 'appened that night, so don't say I ain't got any idea what 'appened."

"Yeah. But you didn' come at all." De Guarde pointed out. "Even later." He sighed. "....Button. Even if you had seen it. Think on it. T' captain had made no investigations so far.. on who it was that did it, right?... Even after you've been talkin' ter him... nothin' much has changed. Mebbe t' captain jus' don't care. And if he don't... it really don't matter that you tell him of a name or not. Nothin' will change and if they think I snitched..... i'll be dead."

He shook his head. "An' anyone of you who'd have thought to help me, will be dead too. .an' nobody will know it happened. They'll all think you've jumped, or tripped, or you deserted...or, if it happens when we face t' french.. they'll jus' blame t' Frogs fer it." He sighed again. "I know wot' they can do...an if you dun' believe me....." His voice trailed off.

"Well, I'm sorry 'bout that. An' Captain dunno everfin', does 'e? 'E don't know we's down 'ere. Folks don't tell 'im what goes on on the messdeck. an' mebbe 'e didn't realise what'd 'appened, an' fought you'd 'ad a accident goin' up to the 'eads or summat." He found a pebble, obviously part of the ballast, and began fiddling with it. "Can't do us all in, not you an' me an' Fingers an' Danny an' Billy-boy an' Jacky an'... Well. Reckon they was lucky to get away wivout wakin' everyone the first time. For sure they can't do it again."

"...Yeah but I tole him that I was thrown then..And he didn' even try to ask about or have someone find out what was wot'. He just let it go. An' then you came ter him.. and he's still not makin' inquiries.." He shrugged then sighed. Partially Button was right, but partially this inactivity against the 'crimes' made De Guarde loose faith.

"...If you're willin' ter take t' chance of gettin' in trouble couse of me...do you think the rest would too? I mean, after they know what exactly it means. It ain't the same as saying.. we's friends...couse that's still safe enough. But ter do more n' that.. An' why do ye think they can't do it again?"

"I dunno. Mebbe it was that you didn't know who it was." He shrugged. He wasn't the Captain, how on earth could he know why the Captain hadn't done something? "An' it's not like I've telled 'im a name or anythin'." He drew his knees up and hugged them. "An' when I do, they'll 'ang, 'cause of me," he added, miserably. "Folks'll be on the lookout for 'em now, won't they? 'S why they won't do it again."

"Well not folks.. you mebbe, t' boys you tell, if you tell 'em. But nobody else. 'Couse why would they?" He sighed. "....I don't think they'll 'ang.... 'couse I can't..... I can't confirm yer story. I'll have ter deny it an' say it was me wanderin' up there." He looked at Button and sighed.

"'couse If I don't there'll be others.. who.. will see them hanged, and I don't know who they are, but they'll know me. Understood? That's why... I'm sayin' that It was me. Couse..it's t' only way."

"You gotta 'member a bit of it?" He shrugged. "I seen 'em, two of 'em, carryin' summat 'tween up the ladder. An' there was all that hullabaloo not half a glass later. An' one of 'em was Seward an' t'other'n was older, wiv 'is knife on the wrong side - left-'anded, see, ain't so many of 'em."

And they had to hang or things would never get better. Terry wasn't sure which one of those outcomes he would prefer.

"Ain't the only way, it ain't. 'Cause if they don't swing for tryin' to do a middy in, ain't no 'ope for anyfin'."