2 June; Sick-berth

"But right now, I must postpone all this to see that I am doing my duty as a loblolly boy as good as I possibly can, until I am fit to return back to my former duty." He wondered if perhaps... He was unwilling to tell the crew, most of the crew or even the ship boys or other marine drummers of his age. But, there was one man who had understood before and he could, would, perhaps understand if he told him. Only, what difference would one man make? Perhaps in gaining him as an ally, but was Thompson not already his friend?

"Sir. Do you believe my words when I say them? What I mean to ask is, do you give them some weight perhaps better to say,.. if I was to make a claim and another would make a different claim that was to be against me. Who would you believe?" He knew that the officers would not believe him and he secretly wondered what Farley would think of that. It was an innocent question, offered out of curiosity rather than need.

"

"I would consider your statement, and that of the other fellow, and decide which was the more reasonable - based also upon what I know of both of you."

"An'.. what d' ye know of me, sir? If I may be so bold to ask. I am curious and.. I would like to know, if you permit me." He looked thoughtful. "'couse, if you mean all t' bad things.. then, I known I'd be condemned." He smiled bravely. "Without needin' so much as to wiggle my toe!"

A slight smile came onto Farley's face. "I believe you are a sharp fellow, who is not at all unwilling to learn. Perhaps a little too quick to assume there is no hope for improvement, however, in the face of adversity."

"But, you should know I am not afraid to fight, or to engage an enemy in a battle, the boarders comin' ter want to take our ship, or while boardin' another." He nodded quite as bravely. "...But, what I was askin' you is... how would you evaluate me as one... who you are to believe over another? Would it be indeed hard?" He paused and very quickly added, what he just remembered to ask. "When will I get my next bit of laudanum? "

"It might be," Farley conceded. "But not knowing the other party in question, I can hardly answer truthfully. It will be another half-hour yet, perhaps, before you may be dosed again. Too much would be detrimental to your recovery."

"True. Though not all past actions should condemn a man a liar." And here he caught himself right in his own trap of thinking. He had often condemned men before, for that very reason. "Hmm. Why would a greater dose be detrimental to my recovery?... does it not ease pain, and thus aid the one injured? How could it cause harm, or worse.. slow the recovery itself?"

"It clouds the mind. Prevents clear, rational thought. As a means of relief, it is well enough, but at a cost." Farley shrugged again. "A fine enough reason to restrict those who must use it to safer duties."

"It does make you ..somewhat less aware, but we are not expecting to fight sir. Nor am I to climb up masts, where surely I would find myself in danger." He paused. "I am able to stay here, as my duty also requests of me. " Though... that very duty was to help injured men, and a drugged loblolly boy was a dangerous thing.

"Can it.. work with lesser effectivity, sir, if I would have been more adapt, more used to receiving a portion when at my previous ship?"

That was something Farley had not expected to hear.

"It may very well," he mused. "But in return, it would require a higher dose in order to be truly effective - and it is a higher dose which I am most hesitant to prescribe."

"So.. it would ache sooner, or ache certainly, if it were a doze ineffective? But... if prescribing the normal doze, would it ever work as effectively as it once had? Would the body become less used .. less um... well, would the body return to its previous state in which the normal portion more than sufficed?" Because it did ache a little, but he tried to inquire about it rather. When first given the doze after the flogging, the exhaustion had been as much a factor in keeping him drugged as the laudanum itself. Exhaustion, stress and laudanum, but those were now, somewhat remedied.

"An increased tolerance, as you express, requires a higher dose in order to have any effect," Farley explained. "It would take a great deal of time to lower one's tolerance of such a substance. If it should happen at all."

"I see. It surely don't appear.. like it is worth the effort, or quick to be done." He nodded. "Something which does not happen easily, or at all. " He yawned a little. "Doesn't sound promisin'..'other'n' .. even if it don't get to be perfect, it still doesn't harm me.. that much."

It was another good opening, Farley thought. "Often, it takes time and effort for good things to come about," he remarked. "It is what makes them worthwhile."

"I guess. " He studied the shelves, noticing where the wear had dulled the edge, and where the wood had shown signs of of moist perhaps of something that had once before spilled there. "You're wise, sir. Like Thompson.. um... well, he's a different sort of wise." He did not want to offend Farley, but at the same time he thought the marine quite smart as well and did not think it fair to make his wit seem less.

"If.. I have some resistance towards t' laudanum.. may I get more o' it.. or should it be better I keep ter t' dose.. I'm suppose t' get 'corrding to.. um, what do you measure it by , sir? Weight? size?" And then he added as an after thought. "How long would it take fer t' results of my efforts to show fer good?"

Farley thought about that for a second. More would help ease the lad's pain, but it would also feed into the lad's addiction - he had confessed as much not two minutes ago.

"The prescribed dose will be sufficient," the surgeon replied. "As to your efforts. There is no way to know for certain when a favourable result will be achieved. I think, however, that there is definite hope. The captain was amenable to your being allowed to work here, and was without malice or indifference about the matter. That in itself suggests he may be brought about to see your worth. If you continue to work willingly and without complaint."

He wished it was not so. If Mister Farley would only give him a small doze extra, the pain would be eased and he would feel better. Without that, he frowned and looked at the surgeon as if hoping that his look alone might sway his mind into a favourable direction. "I will work willingly, as I have now. I've had the worst done, and nothing here, I believe, can compare to that." Oh yes, mucking out the shit of the horses and men, certainly put everything into perspective.

"Sir.. perhaps,.." He hesitated again and bit his lip. "Were I to receive only a very small part of the dose solely to convince my body it was a good deal more.. it.. would be sufficient to last me.. till the next dose? If that was so, could it be done? A mere notion of the laudanum perhaps, with more of a liquid that has little to do with that content." He doubted it would work, now that he knew and so his body would know the trick. But no less, he was willing to suggest and would try his best to keep himself from asking another time, if Mister Farley said no. He would not take it on his own accord. No, not even if he was left alone in the sickbay with the cupboard full of bottles of laudanum, for company.

A light frown came briefly onto Farley's face. "A lesser dose, to act as though it were more?"

He wasn't sure he quite followed that logic.

"Yes sir. An inbetween dose... but much less than the normal one is. But I wouldn't know how much else. It... it would convince m'self to believe it was t' same." He chewed on his lip. "I think it would work it's like.... like when you have a Tar an' tell him a story he believes and he fears things for it. Like monsters an' all and he genuienly trembles!...but the thing still ain't real."

Hmm. It was a sensible idea, really. Farley pursed his lips thoughtfully. "That may work," he said. Worth a try, anyway. "Fetch the bottle and glass, if you please."

"Yes, sir!" The boy smiled brightly and turned on his heel so fast he thought a salvo of curses was certain to follow. His curses, even. He hurried to the little cupboard, took from it the bottle and fetched also the glass. It took a very short while till he turned and offered them both to Mister Farley. "Sir, here they are."

Right. Farley accepted the bottle and eyed it a moment before uncorking it. Pouring a few drops into the glass took a careful, measuring eye. "There ought to be a flask just over there. Fetch that as well, would you?"

The boy did as he was told, but while he had been earlier eager at watching what Farley was doing, he had not spared the glass a glance this time around. Through out the whole process his kept his gaze somewhere else and even as he brought the flask, he still had not seen how much was put into the glass.

"Here sir." He said, holding the hand towards Farley, hoping he will know to take it. He imagined there to be only somewhat smaller a dose than before. Almost as big, a few drops less. Just so much!

Good. Farley nodded and tipped some water from the flask into the glass, then set the flask aside. He gave the glass a careful swish, stirring up the contents, then held it out.

"That ought to suit."

"Thank you sir." The lad smiled and took the glass. He pressed it against his lower lip. He breathed in, exhaled and then drank it all up. He did not pay attention to its dilluted taste, but rather to get every drop of it, down his throat. He studied the glass just then. Empty. Fully empty.

"I'll wash it n' put this away sir." He said with a small nod. Now, to continue believing it was a rather generous dose and the pain should go away fully.