Happy Birthday, Sweet Fifteen (13 June)

"You never laughed much, did you?" Thompson said, rearranging himself on the carronade slide. "That ain't right, that ain't. A good laugh's... well, it makes everythin' all right. D'you know any jokes or anythin', perhaps?"

"Jokes? No. 'fcourse I don't." He shook his head then scooted closer. He was still ready to bolt if Thompson decided to give him another thorough tickling.

"I don't think I do..anyway. Hmmm.." He tapped his chin. "I know snide remarks perfectly well but.. I don't think that's what you're lookin' fer. Ain't you?"

"I ain't," Thompson replied, and in an apparent change of subject, he asked, "D'you know why the dog-watches are called that?"

"Umm.. there's .." He hesitated. Was that a question that wanted a serious, drawn out answer or was Thompson just testing him. "..Couse .. I don't know. Mus' be summat with t' length of them, probably. Why?" He looked at Thompson curiously.

It was the best birthday he had had on a ship and for once he was right here and all good and sober.

Thompson couldn't help grinning, though he checked it as much as he could. A previous captain had loved this joke and had laughed every time he told it. He hoped de Guarde would find it funny - though probably nobody could find it as funny as Captain Aubrey did.

"It's 'cause... it's a-cause they'm cur-tailed," he said, watching de Guarde's face for the stirrings of realisation of the pun's double meaning.

De Guarde blinked incrediously at Thompson. Then after it downed on him what the man had said, and what seemed at first like an innocent, serious explanation, was actually not, he blinked again and then chuckled.

He huffed at the other and uttered. "Silly George!" He poked his tongue out at him, but laughed no less, though he realised that Thompson had waited for him to react, perhaps unsure whether he would get it, or unsure that he understood it was a joke of some sorts.

He grinned at the expression on de Guarde's face. "I ain't, then. One of me old captains liked that joke, a lot. Well, he did like a lot of that sort of joke, an' all. Dunno that i can think of any others he told, though."

"Don't matter. S' a real complicated sort o' humour." De Guarde nudged Thompson's empty cup. " 'fore we try thinkin' up more jokes like this... I wos' just hoping, .. could you make sure I dun' end up on deck drunk today? I'll tell you where I will be.. so I jus'.. kind of ask either if.. well I don't want you to get caught doin' it yeself so..." He paused and looked rather happy and relaxed even now.

".. yeah?"

"You won't end up drunk anywhere if I can help it," Thompson replied. "Of course I'll look out for you - mates do that." He chuckled. "Ain't so complicated, that, neither. Two words that sound similar but mean summat diff'rent... ain't so hard, really."

"You wouldn't take me drink from me.." De Guarde scowled. "ter stop me from gettin' properly celebratin' late at night wotnot?" He considered his second statement and tried to come up with something similar, that had words that would have such a sound, but be different.

For the moment however that type of pair escaped him, so he shrugged and looked back at Thompson instead.

"Didn't say as I would, did I, now" Thompson replied peaceably. "Any'ow, in the Service, you allus got to choose the lesser o' two weevils, ain't you?"

"You did say you would not let me get drunk, means you'd take my drink or something some such? Or atleast that's what I understood, George." De Guarde answered. There was no accusation in his tone just plain confusion at what he thought he understood earlier and what Thompson was saying now.

"You do say that." He lifted his hand. "But it is a bit of a silly uh... pun sort of way." He tilted his head a bit. "I guess landlubbers never think how awful it might be to meet t' captain's daughter... an' t' gunner's one! I bet one o' them would have even been thrilled when told.. until he realised what it really meant!"

"Well," Thompson amended. "Wouldn't take it for keeps, only to stop you drinkin' it all at once. If you don't drink too much too fast, you don't get drunk so quick. Stands to reason, that does. An' you never listened prop'ly to what I said. Most folks'd say 'lesser of two evils' wouldn't they? Evils... weevils." He shrugged. "Doesn't matter, it was a daft joke anyway."

"But you might make me not get drunk and.. that is my intention a bit. Drunk as an ox, while nobody can see it and judge me fer it." He pushed himself into a more comfortable position.

"I know 'bout t' evil weevils.. er.. evils an' weevils!" He grinned. "It is a silly joke though, but... I understood. Best said ter t' landlubbers you know. Couse they won't understand it at all."

"Lubbers don't gen'rally know anythin' about sea-goin' life anyhow," Thompson remarked. "Well, most of 'em don't. Some of 'em do, but then, they've got more to do with sailors than most." He shrugged. "It s'posed to be another joke, playin' with the sounds of the words."

"...Yeah." He looked thoughtfully at the Thompson. "Lemme try." But, as he closed his eyes and tried to come up with something that would sound similar, but mean a completely different thing, he found himself at a loss yet again.

"Ah..." He paused unsure if this could be considered funny, certainly it was not of the sea:" ...It ..it might always be strange if a commanding officer of the army lets it be said: My privates are not feeling well!......" He paused then shook his head.

Thompson grinned. "Aye, that'd sound all wrong. Funny, though. Me privates ain't well... wonder what they'd bin up to the night before? The best ones just come, ain't any help to try to force it."

"Don't know, but I'm sure they'um had been kept awake by some nice company." He grinned back. "Have your privates ever given you trouble, corp'ral?" He looked quite the angel.

"Depends which ones you mean," Thompson replied. "Are we havin' that conversation over again?" he added, an eyebrow raised in query.

"No, of course I mean your privates.... that is, your men." De Guarde answered innocently. "Whatever else could I have been speaking of, corp'ral?" He paused and grinned. "You do know that your..well the military ranks do call for... see, for the strangest possibilities in the combination of names. For example..Major... Major Payne!" He grinned. "Corporal... certainly impossible to find but a man named Corporal Punishment would have fitted perfectly. Now.. if we only look at how Private could be abused....in some connotations." He shook his head and grinned.

"Just calls for it!"

Thompson grinned. "Oh, the men are all right... 'ceptin' Shriver, but you get used to him. You'd be Private de Guarde, an' that sounds pretty strange, though I daresay we'd all get used to it soon enough. Though, there are some fairly strange names out there, true enough. Captain Aubrey's steward was called Preserved Killick, though Heaven knows what he'd bin preserved from."

"Preserved Pickle, more like it!" De Guarde grinned. "Maybe he was put in a barrel after he was born.. dipped in rum, and then got' ter serve.. or he was short o' becomin' well.." He shrugged and chuckled.

" Would be awful if someone's surname was Allhands or some such. Imagine a loud shout. The poor man would be meant ter do everything. Or.. if they was called Corporal.... think o' if they were actually promoted. Corporal Corporal. Sum'un would think them tauntin' if they were to introduce themselves.. couse that sounds just.. daft. O'.. Corporal Sergeant!"

Thompson laughed aloud at that idea. "Poor sod wouldn't ever get any rest. You know that Major's a real surname, right? So if he ever got promoted, he'd be Sergeant Major."

"Yeah.. it would be all sorts of confusion!" De Guarde laughed merrily. "Though, we.. in t' ..well being a Tar, I can say in t' navy don't have right sort of names all the time either. Jus' think of this'un.. now.. of course it don't mean it.. and it has a completely different reason fer using it.. but we've got a rear-admiral... now ter anyone else who's thinkin' and not really doin' t' right sort of thinkin'.. you'd wonder if a rear-admiral was the admiral of t' posteriors.. of t' bottom, of t' back end!" He whispered that conspirationally and grinned.

He glanced up at Thompson and a smile spread across his face. "I'll feel like I ran a mile tomorrow all couse you made me laugh so hard."

"Wonder what a vice-adm'ral's in charge of... sinnin', sounds like," Thompson replied, conspiratorially. "Laughin' don't hurt the next day, I'm sure it don't," he added.