Boys at Play, 2nd June

"Prolly 'cause you was drunk an' they thought you might've bin wrong," Terry said. "I don'... I don' wanna get friends wiv you an' then for us to get in trouble for bein' friends," he added, though he was thawing a bit. It might be fun to let de Guarde join in - he might have some good ideas for things they could do, or games they could play.

"I wos' drunk.. I was not daft an'.. I'd never have gone n' thew m'self off a fish even if I were drunk!" And that he could attest to. He had many times of experience and not once did he fall over board. If he had, he would not have been alive now.

He sighed. Button was rightfully worried about himself and the trouble he could get into. It made things clearer though. If Button was to care for his own well being, he would not be friends. It was better so. Had to be. ".I....I understand."

"Well, officers are stupid and prolly don't know that!" He hooked the string out and began winding it around his hands again to start doing the cat's cradle again. "You... you keep apart, yourself, though. I mean... you ain't ever looked like you might wanna join in, 'cept when there was on'y me aroun' to start wiv." He held the looped string out ready for de Guarde to take in the next pattern of the cat's cradle.

"..I tole you why." Did he? He studied the strings, reached out once, changed his mind, took the strings the second time and removed them from Button's fingers, looking at his own to see how successful his pattern had turned out to be. "...Firs'.. i think.. I thought that you'd do summat.. that will get me in trouble or get me to feel it." Which was how he saw the Tars at his own ship. "Then.. it's jus'. " He scowled. "I ...I hate ...well. I don't like t' be told I should scram... n' rather n' feel that or have it happen, I stay away. And..and now, I just don't want to anger the officers no more. My rump hurts enough for a few years!" Even some wounds from the caning had opened up, and that made the healing slower.

"..I dunno how t' approach you lot right anyway. ..N' you'd turn 'way or think I was up to something if I did. You know that. Or you'd think me weird for trying. Or....." His shrugged. "You said yesself. You don't want t' get in trouble with t' officers. S' not worth taking that chance, Button. I'll understand that eventually an' you lot will be safe from them officer's glare." He did not want to be alone and he doubted he made any sense, and wondered why he was even so open about talking about it. Button did not come, so it was set from the beginning. None of them did. They knew their place and knew what was best for them, and he could not change that.

He held his hands up for Button to pick a pattern. "Do ye know where I could find summat more drink?"

Terry considered that. "Wouldn't get you in trouble like that - even if us could. Keep away from the officers, we do, see. Leastways, we try to. We ain't got no... no 'fluence wiv anyone, see, only bein' boys. It's jus'... If the officers're watchin' you they mightn't want to see you wiv us, only, well, us never got in trouble when you was skylarkin' wiv us that time." He shrugged. "Drink? Pusser has some, o' course, only I dunno if I can get any out of him. Pusser's steward might let me 'ave a bit."

He took the string and held it for de Guarde to make of it what he would.

"You are jus' boys, ship boys aye. T' lowest there is on board." Which was a fact. He did not want to sound mean about it. "Do y' think we could get some of that drink? I'd be delighted t' have some. Won't tell anyone we got it, or that you was here. I ain't daft." He was too confused to try figuring out whether he was a friend or just someone.

"This game's hard." He murmured and pinched at the strings, then observed them again, trying to find a good way of taking them of Button's fingers.

"So you's welcome to join in wiv what we do, if you don't fink you'll get in trouble for it - cause us don't want that, do we? I mean, if you fink you'll get in trouble for bein' around us boys, mebbe you'd best not 'ang around wiv us, that's all. Otherwise, we'd like you to - you was fun in that game of tag t'other day." He shrugged. "Ain't really a hard game. An' reckon we might be able to get summat out of the pusser's steward - though an't you jus' had your tot at dinner?"

"Don't speak fer t' rest, you know. If you'll be a'right with it, it don't mean the others will." He looked thoughtful. "Though.. 's nice of you t' offer." He looked away.

"T' chase.. t' tag was fun." He agreed and smiled. It was fun and it made him forget to be all serious. And, he ran about with the young ones as he should. He touched his temple then slipped the thread of Button's hands again and held it considerably well netted on his own fingers. "..That was not enough. N'..I's needin' something more now that it hurts some."

"True. Though I's all right wiv you, don't see why the rest wouldn't be. Mostly."

This was the one he nearly always managed to drop, where you had to take the two middle strings with your little fingers and go over and in...

"Waddaya know! I din't drop it!" he said, holding it up for de Guarde to make the next move. "Tag's allus fun. Tag, or racin' like we done first time you joined in."

"Racin' up t' mast? Aye. That was fun." He smiled fondly remembering. If only he did not always feel awkward and unsure about things afterwards. His attempt had the strings being dropped at last and he scowled. Ah well, he was having a lucky streak for far too long as it were.

"Others know wot' I did an' know me fer a bully. S' why. They do .. sort of think I ain't but I doubt they ain't thinking it in t' back o' their heads. Even so."

"Do they, though? I dunno 'zackly what you done to get disrated, but 'part from that dinner, I ain't heared you bin a bully, not really - not like some folks I could name. An', well, you oughta show 'em that you ain't a bully - on'y way to do that is, well, not to go doin' the sorts of things bullies do an' to try an' be friendly to 'em." He shrugged and started the cat's cradle again. "You ain't bullied me - you bin quite nice to me, an' that'll count for summat wiv the others."

"Don' tell me you wasn' there when 'Cob Chase was flogged. " He looks quite stunned. He thought the whole ship new of his 'crimes' or what they deemed them to be such. "I did not bully you, no. Even If I had wanted, do you think I could have done it? As a Midshipman I had authority and you could not strike me, without signing yerself to be hanged. But now, that I am a mere tar, you would perhaps strike me back if I did it to you and while you could still be punished, so would I. " He remembered Oxley and his own argument all too well.

"So..I can't be a bully, much. I've got neither numbers in m' favour, nor connections, an' even less t' station o' rank 'meself. See. Even if I tried, I know I'd pull t' shortest straw and be beat up so bad I'd be countin' stars fer years longer!"

"I was but I dunno 'zackly whyfor he was flogged, do I, not bein' the Captain an' all. All we heard was 'All other crimes not capital' and that can mean anyfin'. Silly."

He shrugged. "Folk don't need numbers or anyfin' to be bullies. They jus' make other folks' lives mis'rable by sayin' things and stuff like that."

".. You can't tell me yer didn' hear any o' it around in t' messes. You's got ears and you're probably as nosey as t' next lad." If Button did not lie, he was astounded at how out of it the boy was. He was certain the whole crew knew. That there was not a boy who had not heard of how he had bullied, pestered and accused. Surely Button was lying!

He was not paranoid in thinking it was the talk of the below decks. He was just not! "..Not necessarily. If yer bick n'all that.. sure.. yer can' be a bully without numbers. But if ye's small as I am, or you are, an' you dun' really get no backing from someone bigger n' you... ain't easy to be a bully as much. Especially not ter t' adult Tars. What could I do? threaten them with what? I could accuse them o summat but.. nobody believes me anyway. Nobody of t' officers and it might have me thrown of t' ship rather n' anybody." He shrugged. "That's..... if we speak.. in theory n'all."

"Well, there was rumours, o' course. An' Johnny's shoulder, what 'e showed us. An' a middy can bully practic'lly anyone wivout them bein' able to say anyfin' 'cause he's a officer. Well, as good as." He shrugged. "I 'eared some sailors talkin' about a middy in another ship, who usedta get on a gun carriage an' kick at the sailors, who couldn't do nuffin' about 'im."

"True. A middy can. But that's couse as a middy you've got authority an'... if you are harmed , so much as touched, struck or what not, t' man that did it to ya gets hanged. So that's ...t' right sort o' ground fer bullying ter be done..I know." And had done it. Perhaps with regretful results.

"Ah.. another middie like it? " He looked at Button curiously, though he had no doubt that there were plenty and more middies like that. There had to be. There had been where he came from too. "Wot's of this middie that you heard?"

"Dunno - can't 'member what ship. I jus' 'eared rumours from one o' the sailors, talkin' over dinner, like." He shrugged again. "You... It'd be easy for you to bully one of us, like. We ain't allus in a group or anyfin'. But you ain't. I mean, you 'aven't. Don that mean somefin' too?"

"... I dunno. Does it?" He arched a brow, studying the lad. "What would it mean, uh?" He rubbed his temple and then tugged at the fabric of his trousers to adjust them. "..do ye know where he's now? Or' jus' heard he was a' kicking the lot merrily around like they was his servants, or worse?"

"No idea where 'e's at now. 'E ain't 'ere, that's all I knows." He fiddled with the spunyarn for a bit. "I dunno what it means. Mebbe you ain't so bad as you fink. As folks fink, I dunno." He looked up ."Jus' don't go an' start anyfin' now, will you?" he added, anxiously.

"Start wot'? ..Bullyin'?" He blinked and shook his head. "I would not.. don't dare... n'...you's a'right." He did not want to draw any attention from the officers. He hurt. He did not want to upset them or emphasize how little faith they had in him and how little they would believe him even if he had a complaint worth considering.

".. I wouldn't...anyhow. Hm... we ought t' get that drink from t' pusser. You said he has some, don't he?" A little bit of alcohol could not hurt, but it could make the hurt go away. Sitting was a pain now, he had actually tried to avoid it even when he had had to mess. Any time the bottom was demanded to come in contact with a solid surface, he made sure it did not.

"Not pusser. Pusser's steward." He gave de Guarde a rueful look. "Pusser's a mean bastard, I telled you that a'ready, di'n't I? Said about 'is tawse, I'm sure I did." He shoved the spunyarn back in his pocket. "Arrigh', let's go see 'im."

"Let's go ter 'is steward then." He paused. "Jus' give me a moment, will you?" He began getting up, with a yelp here then a quick shove which got him straight up on his feet. He took a deep breath, let it out slowly and smiled. "Let us go then. Shall we. 'fore we.. em.. 'fore I'm needed back in t' sickbay."

"Sickbay?" He looked enquiringly at the older boy, and then his face cleared as he remembered. "Oh. I's lucky I don't hafta see 'im... not after..." He flexed his hand again. If it ever was bad enough that he'd have to see the surgeon, it would hurt like... like... He couldn't think of anything that would hurt that much.

"'E's down 'ere," he said, leading the way. "'Ope Mister Foxley ain't around, is all."

"... it's not so bad.. ter be down there, you know. Mister Farley's real kind....and anyway, he's skilled and he don't want to hurt you if he can help it. Of course, it's not always that he can.. but he does his best, I think. He let me patch up a man's hand. THat was something!" He smiled and hurried after Button. He did curse the fact that they did have to go 'downways', but followed any how.

"'E is?" Terry didn't have much experience of kindness, really, apart from the rough sort of kindness the sailors showed when they were in a good mood. "'E let you patch up someone else? What're you, 'is new loblolly boy or somefin'?"

He led de Guarde to the purser's steward's room - well, it was the storeroom, really, where the food was issued in the morning to each mess cook. "'Ere, Mister Savery, can us 'ave a bit o' rum for a frien', please?"