30th May, Afternoon Watch: In the Cable Tier

Hm. Only once before - twice now, counting this morning.

"S'pose that's somethin' needs fixin', sir. If you don't mind!"

That really got Fletcher thinking. What on earth did Chase mean? He knew that he must go up again - it was either that or stay down and accept that he was useless - but how or when could he go up the mast again? He would only get up again to find himself stuck, then humiliated again.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Aloft, sir." There were a few difficulties in the way of that, but Chase was confident they could be worked around. "Takes practise gettin' used to, like everythin'."

"I suppose."

Fletcher's heart sank.

"Does it stop you being afraid?" he asked after a pause.

Chase nodded. "Usually," he replied. "Even if it don't, it's better to say you tried an' done it, sir."

Fletcher wiped the remains of his runny nose on his sleeve, expertly avoiding the buttons which had been placed there to stop midshipmen doing this, and sat up further behind the cable.

"But how can I?" he asked. "Mr. Leat will be furious if I go up and... and be foolish again."

"Sure you oughta be fine if you went up with somebody, sir." Not just a pair of ship's boys, either. Chase scratched his ear. "You asked any of the other mids, sir?"

In the darkness Fletcher flushed bright pink. What a question for Chase to ask!

"No," he said sullenly. "None of them would go up with me. They'd laugh if I asked."

If. He hadn't tried, the poor lad.

"Arrigh'." Chase considered. "Never mind 'em then. Mebbe tomorrow you an' me'll go up a bit. In the foretop, mind. So's the officers on the quarterdeck ain't so likely to see."

There was a palpable silence, and then Fletcher's voice came back from the darkness.

"Honestly?"

It was pitifully hopeful.

The topman grinned. It wasn't in him to lie. "Aye. It'll be fun, sir."

"Alright then." Fletcher was not convinced it would be fun as such, but he felkt relieved that he would be Chase that was with him. "Thank you, Chase."

"A pleasure, sir," Chase replied, stretching his legs out as much as he could. "I'd reckon even Mister Bush didn't take to bein' high up off the deck, first couple times he got sent up, either."

Fletcher gaped at this idea. Mr. Bush was a fearsome bear of a man; imagining Mr. Bush to be frightened of something as silly as heights was ridiculous!

"But Mr. Bush is not afraid of anything!" he protested.

It was more the case that anything would be afraid of Mr. Bush.

Chase's grin broadened. "Mebbe not now, sir. But he was a mid hisself, once 'pon a time. The cap'n too."

"Yes, I know that Chase!" Fletcher had been told such things about the Admiral too, but it seemed... unbelievable. "But... Not seriously. Not the captain?"

Could it be that the captain was afraid of anything? All he saw was the somber, dignified and dutiful men who stood firm on the quarterdeck and inspired awe from those of a lowlier station. He found it hard to imagine that such men could ever have been even remotely like him - even if it was a long time ago.

"Aye. Even the cap'n." Chase nodded. "Think the only one aboard who's always been awful's the bos'un."

Fletcher had to but his hands over his mouth to stifle a laugh. Watts was indeed awful, proved by the fact that even Miss Emily preferred other company to him.

"Is... Is the Captain frightened of heights, then?" he asked, his voice hushed at his own daring to ask such a question.

That was something Chase couldn't be sure of. If Captain Bolitho did dislike heights, he'd never shown it. "I dunno," the topman admitted. "Ain't ever seen him show anythin' like fright."

"Me neither," said Fletcher, which was why he was so confused as to how Chase could be sure that he had been afraid of anything once upon a time. "I've never seen any of the officers frightened. Not even anxious."

"Aye. They'd have to be thataway, wouldn't they? To be up there on the quarterdeck. But I ain't knowed a boy, midshipman or not, who weren't scared of bein' aboard ship."

Fletcher gave this some thought. It rather made sense, all things considered. To be an officer you had to be brave, to show no fear and be an example to all the men around you - he had been told this much repeatedly by the Admiral and his other naval aquaintances - but you also had to learn about a ship, how to navigate her, what different parts were called and what they did...

So if one had to learn navigation to be an officer, perhaps it was the case that one could learn to be brave at the same time.

"So you are saying that they learnt to be brave?" he said slowly.

"Aye. Same's a topman learns how to handle sail," Chase replied. "Takes time for it, an' mebbe it ain't easy, but it's possible."

Fletcher nodded to himself, doubting that he could truly learn to be as brave as the captain or Mr. Bush, but it lifted his spirits slightly that it was thought possible to gain courage - even for him.

He wiped his remaining tears from his eyes, and then struggled his way over the other side of the coiled cable in an attempt to leave his hiding place.

It sounded as though Mister Fletcher was making his way over the heavy cable. Chase shifted aside, tucking his legs in so they wouldn't trip the lad up when he got closer to the ladder.

"Find any rats down in there, sir?" He teased, hoping to buoy the lad's spirits a bit.