On the Gundeck

"Don't have a worry of that on me mind." And he refused to add, that he might not have ever such a pleasure again. For his coat. Which he dearly missed.

He looked at his shirt and undid the tie about his neck, but after a moment of thought he had slung it over his left shoulder to take and tie over his ears later.

"Oy, did yer see that?" For a moment a figure had appeared on the gun deck, then left to head further below.

"See what?" Oxley asked, turning to look at whatever had caught de Guarde's eye. Whatever it was, it had either gone, or he couldn't see it. He turned back with a puzzled frown on his face. "Din't see nothin'," he said.

"..wos'.. I think it wos' that man." He muttered with a slight bit of displeasure heard in his voice. "yer know, t' one with t' apple." He shrugged his shoulders very subtly and turned back at the cannon for which he were to supply the powder. Such a one had been rather familiar in more ways and one. And as he thought of it, he shook his head, for his thoughts had turned gloomy, the memories - one freshest, and others less so.

"Don't matter. Wish they tol' us if it were a Frenchy or wot' we're chasin' now."

"Oh?" He turned to look again, trying not to catch the officer's eye. "Nope, he's gone below. Best place for him, out of the fightin' an' all. Dunno why he's even here, though," he said, and rubbed at a bit of a stain on his trousers. "I dunno if they know. We prob'ly won't get tole till later anyways." He looked up then and shrugged a shoulder. "You get used to that. Don't mean you have to like it, though, but you get used to it."

"Neither do I. Mus' feel rather odd, .. I mean, if we do face a Frenchy. We'll have ter be careful he don't try sabotagin' us or summat. But it will be odd ter him. If he does nothin'.. he's pretty much a spectator in a battle where his own will be killed."

He thought the topic was rather somber. "That is, if we're chasin' after a Frog n' catch up with them." There was still the question of surgeons and injuries of their own. He didn't want to think of that, so rather he thought of what Oxley had said next.

"I know how it is down 'ere. N' how it is in battle, me cap'n wasn't shy in fightin'." He smiled and shrugged. "Every place 'as its benefits n' not. Jus' as bein' a lieutenant or a middie does. With a lieutenant yer have more power, obviously.. but also more responsibility n' less men ter talk to."

"Sab... what?" Oxley blinked, confused by the word de Guarde had used and not being very clear as to what he meant. "He can't do much to us - there's men all over the place. And he's best off out of it. Won't get his head took off by a cannon ball down there." He scratched the back of his head. "That'd be really stupid - gettin' killed by your own side 'cause you happen to be on a ship belongin' to the folks you was fightin'."

"Sabotage.. means well..he'd do summat, that would make us loose in t' long run. Like.. do summat with our steerin'.. or.. soak t' gunpowder or such."

He did hope that he could do nothing and that the marine he had seen with him, would make full sure of that. Might mean, that he would miss out on the action but, his job was as important as.... ah, no need to think of it.

"It would be ironic though, don't ye think. Though.. I think it does happen.. or..well i heard a rumour once that there was two ships of t' same side..but they didn' know it.. n' then they near had each other gunned 'stead of t' enemy whom they were after. ..thanks ter fog or summat. But I dunno how much truth is in that story. Didn't see it firs' hand, that's fer sure."

He had to turn quiet, for he'd felt that as long as he'd spoken, some could've drawn attention to him.

"'S why he's got Allen with him, ain't it? To make sure he don't do nothin' like that. And there's only one of him anyway, when there a shipful of us. And there's some pretty strange things happen at sea, though I ain't really seen any of 'em, like. I ain't been places like other folks have, after all." He covered a yawn. "'Scuse me. If you could go anywheres in the world, where would you most like to go? For a look-see, I mean. A visit."

"Ye'um not slept well?" Or was he boring the boy? He could be doing that too. He'd been going on chanting like he were preaching to someone. He frowned.

"..t' warm seas. T' ones Thompson had seen. Where t' sea's a different colour, n' there's sandy beaches, n' the weather's real hot....though there should be fever and sickness there.. but ..not full necessary. I'd like to go someplace like that. Ter see all t' odd creatures that you've never seen before. N' ye?"

"Slept all right, though I never got any kip yesterday arternoon like I do usually. And that sounds real nice. I like it plenty round abouts here, though. It ain't so hot as that, but it ain't cold neither. I'd like to see what it's like on the other side of the world. You know, the exact other side from where England is. I bet there's some plenty strange things to see there."

He tapped out a brief rhythm on the cartridge case he was holding. All this waiting was getting to him a bit.

"Ah.. yesterday wos'.. " He shifted a little." Rather unpleasant. I remember seein' yer at t' foc's'cle. Yer and another man. Were washin' shirts , weren't ye?" He hadn't liked that day one bit. Still felt a bit sore about it, and he'd never slept so good before then either. He'd possibly not even awoken with a broadside fired. Well, what he did not hear was, any snoring whatsoever, loud or quiet.

"I dunno. But I bet there should be. Though, if it's as cold n' rainy as at home I'd still rather go down somewhere, where it's hot. Here's nice too, jus', kind of busy with Froggies n'all. Can't go out not even ter pop t' surgeon's head open without havin' one hoppin' by, no?" Though they didn't yet know whether it was a Frenchman or not, he still chose to say as if it was one.

Yesterday had been... interesting. Well, 'different' was probably a better way of phrasing it. "Ended up helpin' Mister Cartwright's steward out all day." At least de Guarde hadn't had someone watching everything he did - though Foley had turned out to be much better company that Oxley had first thought he'd be. He'd sounded almost brusque on the way down to the officer's cabin, and he remembered his heart had dropped like a stone. But it had turned out all right, though, even when Mister Cartwright himself had shown up while Foley was off getting some water for the laundry.

"I'm real sorry you ended up doin'... what you done," he said, remembering that when they'd arrived above decks, de Guarde had been cleaning the heads, which was one of the least pleasant jobs it was possible to do.

"Probably yer didn' think so then, eh?" He wouldn't have been surprised or blamed Oxley if he was glad to see him do the heads. Hell, at the time he had wished to trade places with the boy or have him be ordered to do the job instead of him. He had been jealous that the lad needn't do the dirty and rather unpleasant task that he'd been told to.

"Mr. Leat wos' right... well, he was on a roll, that's fer sure." And it made him behave today. More than behave really, if this new friendship was to judge by. "Wos' he demandin' lots of ye?"

"All sorts. Cleanin' kit, lookin' after Mister Cartwright's coat, runnin' errands, helpin' out with the washing like you seen, that sort of thing." And of course he'd talked with the lad - both of them had - and it had got Oxley thinking, which was why he'd risked apologising to the younger boy. "He wasn't angry, though. Mister Cartwright, I mean. Though if he's like that when he ain't angry, I don't ever want to see him when he is." He sighed. "I ain't doin' that again, ever, not if I can help it."

He looked at de Guarde curiously. "What did Mister Leat have you doin', then?" he asked, after a pause.

That sounded unpleasant but not too unbearable. Having company could work both ways, he knew that first hand. When Thompson had been below, he could almost forget that he was mucking up after the horses, but when he was alone at the Heads he was wishing he had been anywhere but there. But, with the company not right, or something of an officer, he had imagined he wouldn't have liked it either. Just imagine a middie standing watch over him. He shook his head.

"..he..um'.. well t' heads ye've seen. .. n' ye know 'bout t' horse muckin' since there's where dr. Crozier got injured like." He hesitated and looked at the cannon as if finding something particularly interesting on its surface.

"well then I had ter go n' help t' cook.. in t' afternoon that is. Clean out all t' muck out of t' cauldrons or summat.. n'.."He made a face. " t' officer's privvy's were last."

He looked at Oxley. "..I'd rather not t' have a fight 'gain.. that's fer sure."

"Me, either." Though he wouldn't back down; it wasn't in his character to back down, but for sure he wasn't going to risk getting an officer angry with him. It just wasn't worth it.

"Sounds like you had a real bad day of it," he said sympathetically. He wondered if it was simply because of the fight, or if Mister Leat had taken a dislike to the other boy. And if an officer didn't like you, life really wasn't pleasant at all. If an officer didn't like you, you might as well give up all hope of having a bearable life. He hoped it wasn't that.

" Well.. could've been worse, yer know. " A lot worse. The one thing he feared now, was a flogging. It was why he had taken such great care that the few times he had gotten drunk, were the ones that he could not be caught or seen. He'd even drank a little before Oxley came and managed to salvage his bottle later that day.

Caning was one thing, but a flogging. He'd seen Chase's flayed back! And he'd seen many a different back drenched in red and torn terribly. As happy as he had been to condemn others to it, now that it was a dire possibility he'd have wished for mercy from it all.

" N' is over. That's t' bes' part! That day bein' over." He nodded more eagerly and grinned. "Fer t' both of us."

"Aye, it is, at that. And there's one thing about Terpsy... once a punishment's over with, it's like you never done the thing you was punished for. I mean, you get a clean slate. Just... don't do the same thing again if you can help." And they'd both decided they wouldn't do that, hadn't they.

"It's been a much nicer day today, I think," he said, eventually. He'd never expected to actually end up being friendly with de Guarde, even after offering his apologies.

"It was..., it is." He agreed. Another little thing that Terpsy had. He wasn't sure how much it held true for the lieutenant. The man had been rather sour upon seeing him. Perhaps some were more easy to forget than others? He knew one boy who could not forget and ever forgive. Yet it was rather startling when compared to Chase. That man hadn't held it against him, and he for one had been flogged, had his back open because of him. And yet, .. yet he was eager to help, teach and protect him.

It spoke volumes for that man. And he was only learning that now. Thinking of it.

"I'um glad yer came t' talk. ..before, I did feel rather sour against yer.. n'all. But now.. well, I'um real glad you did." He smiled. " wot' with us talking, we saw the enemy firs. Remember! ..brings a strange new note in workin' together rather than against one another , don't it?" He chuckled, and covered his mouth quickly, peeking over his shoulder.

"I think I am, too. Though I never thought you'd accept it, like." He shrugged, smiling. And if they hadn't got to talking, they wouldn't have gone aloft and wouldn't have seen the ship. "It's more fun to be friends with someone than not," he said. "We just got to get the others to be friends with you now, and you'll wonder how you ever managed to live without having any friends at all. Can't do a proper skylarking with only two of you, see."

"Aye, If yer asked me yesterday f I'd expect, I'd have called yer met fer even considerin'. But now, sure wouldn't change me decision even if ye had me payed with chocolate!"

He considered the suggestion. " They might mind more, ye know. ... They know me as t' middie who got someon'in big trouble.. n' some others near so. I'd be glad ter join, aye.. but I want neither you lot nor t' Tar's smiles ter go of their faces fer me comin' there. " He remembered talking to Westdale about it. He was in doubt that such a surprising turn of events could happen too often.

"Maybe, but give 'em time, and they'll get used to the idea. Can't stay all by yourself when we're off havin' fun, can you?" Though it might be hard to persuade some of them, like Johnny Stenhouse, that de Guarde could be all right, given a chance. "You'll just have to... show 'em you ain't the same lad any more, that's all."

And he really couldn't spend all his time with the Marines without making people wonder why he preferred their company to that of the sailors.

"That I could try.. and know that I'll make mistakes. Cos' there are things I think different, cos' I learn't different. So I might react by trainin' firs'. Like with yer drill, right?... yer do it, before ye think." He smiled. "But.. ..but maybe,... well as much as I 'ate bein' disrated... is..."

He looked away. "Maybe is a good... thin'. I learn n' thanks ter Chase n' Westdale n' Barrow n' some.. I'm safe too." And of course, when he was with the marines, his safety was assured by Thompson too.

"..wonder if I ever get back ter bein' a middie. ..though 'tleast now.. well ain't all without any ter talk to. N'.. I did get sum' good from t' bad.. like 'um t' fine collection o' lobsters." He spoke in amusement and tease.

"We all make mistakes. Wouldn't be human if we didn't would we? And doin' what you've been trained to do can be good, though it helps if you've had the right trainin'. Ain't no good doin' a perfect left turn if you was supposed to start marchin', is it?"

Why was it easier to say stuff here that he'd said the other day? He knew he wasn't going to end up fighting over it again, and maybe that was a bit of a help. "I think you c'n learn more bein' a sailor than if you'd stayed a middy. Like, what the sailors think about stuff like drill all the time. Or the food. Or, well, stuff like that."

He gave the ex-midshipman a lopsided smile. "Dunno about bein' a middy again. Ain't sayin' it won't happen, don't get me wrong. I just think... you should learn to be a real good sailor, so's the officers can see it, which'd give 'em a reason to think you'd make a good middy, rather'n endin' up just the same as you was when you come aboard." And he might have said too much there, but how else was he to explain what he meant, if he didn't risk saying too much and maybe upsetting the lad a little?

"I guess yer right." He answered with a sigh. It would be a hard way, a long one. But he'd accepted being called a Tar, didn't he? It wasn't as scary as it first seemed. He was still alive, he was actually making acquaintances. He'd even witnessed a few things, such as what sailors did for superstitions.

He was in no way perfect, just as Oxley had said. And that fight they had was proof of it. And it could be he would have another evening or night where he'd feel bitter, for he did like his uniform. He had loathed his place at sea sometimes when he was on Confidence. Cried a few, wished to leave and yet he held through. He stuck his nose up, and learnt, bad or good, he had learnt it. And so he would now. Just another challenge to overcome, that's what it was. And if he could mayhep find something which would make it enjoyable, then he could take even another such day as yesterday.

As for the amount of midshipmen. They still had one place free. They were short on them, one man short of course. Yet, it also meant that there was a chance, something to hope for. It was good they've gotten one middie just a short while ago. Two less and they'd have been having trouble, he was certain.

" I'll learn... learn t' be t' bes' topman there.." Well, perhaps he could not achieve that, all with Chase being as good, but it sounded nice. ".. tho'.. i doubt t' officers will see it." He said more sullenly. Oxley was right, it was possible that he'd not regain his rating, no matter how hard he tried.