Letters in the Fireplace

Major Torrington's compliments, and would people please try to restrain themselves when adressing him: As his lordship is perfectly aware of who he is, he would greatly prefer if the actual content of any note would be longer than his name. His military rank plus his titular name are perfectly adequate -As he is the only inhabitant of Belmaine House in the rank of Major and sole bearer of the title, letters tend to reach him nevertheless.

My Lord, your friends only do it because they hold your Right Honourable self in such high regard and fear letters will go astray far more if they are not allowed to be addressed with My Lord's title, which is one of the most eminent titles whose owners are in Town this Little Season. But as it pains Your Right Honourable Self so much, your humble and obedient correspondent will try to reconcile himself merely to addressing missives to Major the Lord Torrington, and will console himself with a large brandy upon this note's being sealed.

My Lord's most Humble and Obedient Servant,
Jno Vickery, Major, 5/60th Rifles

Sir,

the graceful words which I had the honour of recieving from your most Honourable person have gladdened my soul greatly and cannot fail to impress upon me the fortune higher powers bestowed on me in giving me such humble, honourable, wise and well-spoken friends. My brain however would prefer you had included the brandy.

Torrington

Sir,

With respect,

Vickery

[The note was fastened to the neck of a bottle of the best French cognac]

Sir,

with everlasting gratitude.

Torrington

[Attached to a large cut crystal snifter]

Sir,

Why do I suspect your gift to me will last longer than mine to you?

Vickery

Sir,

because you are a clever and careful man. It cannot be appreciated more, however.

Torrington

Sirs,

I would deeply appreciate it if the most respected pair of you would enjoy the fine drink only after the training and not before it, at it is my deepest regret, should the horses not perform perfectly, because their most honourable and esteemed riders had weight in their right, or left hand, but singularly in just one and not the other.

Gwydyr

Major Torrington's respects, and he would like to point out that a heavy head would make his performance so much smoother, as any jerky or abrupt movements of the horse would greatly add to his discomfort.

My Lord,
Viscount Gwydyr, captain of Hussars, would like to point out that while smooth is certainly apreciated, the swerves to the left or right when neither in tune, nor possibly even remaining on the same grounds, might cause a very slight of problem against achieving success in the future performance of the quadrille. More so, it might cause illness of the stomach and necessitate further cleaning of the training grounds and possible the rider's horse and its equipment. In comparison the horse's discomfort might be affected at a grander scale.

Major Torrington's sober respects, and he promises to leave the bottle alone if his friends promise not to leave him alone once he opens it.

Major Vickery sends his deepest respects and wishes to know what sort of a person would allow a friend to consume a bottle of brandy on their own - especially such good brandy as that?

Captain Gywdyr sends most appreciative respects at decision for the sobriety of Major Torrington and believes one should never abandon a friend in need even if the need is a bottle of the finest.

Captain Torrington's compliments and could the camp please remember that they are light infantry and stop making this infernal noise? He regrets to inform them that otherwise his head is likely to explode, leaving a mess that would be completely against regulations.

Dear Sir,
Some movement and action would be highly appreciated. The animals are getting impatient and might ran rampant if not kept in check. Last time something of this sort happened, the tents were in shambles and it took ages to herd them all back.

I think I would go for that drink about now and then perhaps a few spins would not go amiss before the night grows old and the mind goes blank.